Excerpts from the Toon Ace Catalog
As we all know, whenever you find out about a Giant Mutant/Alien Invasion/Catchoolu Cult or some other threat, you then have to race against time to stop it! Wouldn't it be nice to have more time in which to ready your brilliant counterplan? Of course it would be, so Ace Industries has invented something to really get you moving! Our Neurostimulating Vibronic Ray will cause any creature exposed to it to move at Incredible Speed and get three actions per turn instead of one! That should let you get your Monster Trap/War Plan/Counter Spells ready in record time! So don't be a slowpoke, order from Ace today! Price: $4,000.
Note: If this device suffers any shock damage (say, from being dropped or banged around), it might work differently. Examples of this would be slowing the subject down to one action every three turns or causing the subject to move so fast that they burst into flames. Please handle the Neurostimulating Vibronic Ray carefully! (Carefully? In Toon? You've gotta be kidding!)
These huge sharks stand upright and walk around on their tail fins. Though he looks every bit as vicious as his sea-dwelling cousins, the Landshark is really a hard-working public servant, dedicated to delivery as a way of life. Though his fearsome visage and toothsome grin often scare folks away, the Landshark is actually very kind and gentle. Why people slam the door on him when he appears with a package is a mystery to him (he's hard-working, but none too bright . . .).
The Landshark's favorite job is candygram delivery person, but they also find work as pizza, flower, grocery and overnight parcel delivery people! Easily-spooked adventurers may panic when they check through the peephole and see this fellow on the other side.