I wasn't prepared. I wasn't prepared to see him like that.
I. Just. Wasn't. Prepared.
The last time I saw him, he was glorious. Shining. Loving. Aware. He
went with me to the Groves, to the treetops and handed my Heart over to
Janus. Told me to watch and learn, and above all... (Have fun Arethas, my
child. Play it cool, ride the winds..) So I had fun. I rode the winds and
I rode them with she who became the love of my life. Neah. A seraph child
of Janus. Only he doesn't call them that, but still. I learned a lot
working with her, loving her... Working for Janus and his crew.
But I missed him. I didn't hear from him again after he let me over in
Janus' keeping. Hardly any of us did. And then he just left. I heard the
stories of course. Didn't belive them. I was utterly secure in my faith in
my Archangel. My father-midwife-teacher-friend.
What's he doing? What's he doing?! I don't understand. He was human -
human. That's not possible, but he was. He didn't know me. Didn't know
us. Had no clue whatsoever, and still... Random transubstantiation.
Confusion. He didn't know us. He didn't know himself, because he was
someone else. I feared that it had all been for naught. At least this
time. How to wake him? Bring him back? And would that even be appropriate.
Something was wrong, but I'm not sure it was him.
So I was confused and dismayed and.....scared. So help me God I was
frightened to see him like that. And - shame of shames - my faith wavered.
My faith and trust in my Archangel wavered there, because I was not
prepared to see him like that. (What is he DOING?)
When the attack came (as a result of my utter idiocy and negligence), I
just knew I had to stop or at least stall the enemies. Getting the
children out and away was priority number one, then Lillian, Kira and the
one who was my Boss but wasn't. I was prepared to lose my vessel (like all
warriors of Heaven - it's what we do), no problem as long as it would let
the innocents get to some semblance of safety.
Praised be the Father in the Heavens Above then, because the man who was
not then ceased to be and was yet again my Archangel. He knew himself
again, and put a stop to whatever was going on. (There was much more to
that attack than met the eyes and ears. Something more happened.
Something that he stopped. Or stalled.) I wasn't there to stop the bullets
that hurt him, the bullets that shoved red-hot pokers into my all. He
forgave me. I love him.
But I don't understand. What is he doing?!
For the last week I've been meditating on this, trying to make sense out
of it. Trying to make sense out of the Archangel of Creation. Some project
eh? I've borrowed techniques from just about every other angel and human
being I have ever met. Mostly tried the elohite hat on, and it suits me
not. My faith in my Archangel wavered and I was dismayed by seeing him
like that. Such wavering cannot be tolerated, so to hell with what suits
me and suits me not!
My conclution is no conclution, it is merely a notion. Only Eli and
possibly Yves (and the Allmighty) know the truth of it. My notion is: The
War is fought over Humanity. They are at the core of the conflict, they
are the thorn in the Lightbringer's blinded eyes. They may yet hold the
key to ending it. Who better than the First Mercurian to find that key?
(But why hasn't he done this sooner then?) Walk a mile in a man's shoes to
find out about him... He'll have a lot of shoes to try on. (Loafers,
slippers, sneakers, boots... And what about the millions of people walking
barefoot.) Six billion miles to walk. If anyone can do this, it's my
Archangel. Of this I have faith.
We are Creation. We will never be conquered. We will never stop. There is
Creation in everything and so our Master has placed us within all the
Divine Words. It is the next level of learning and teaching. We shall not
fail. We must not lose faith. He needs us to grow up.
I do not doubt anymore. I will stay true. I will keep my faith.
And I will not disturb him in his work, if it can be avoided.
I do not comprehend, but I will be dilligent and I will prepare.
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