(Epasta ad Mors Mortis per Avii Aqutile)
(Command/2, Focus/4)
(Thanks to Popeman for the bad Latin)
This Ritual is never taught to anyone who is not owned
body and soul by Hatiphas. Just why this is so is
currently unknown: it may very well be because of
simple misanthropy. Sorcerers aren't really supposed
to have fun, after all - even nasty fun.
The ritual itself requires the usual Sorcerous junk -
candles, pentagrams, mystic oils and unguents - plus
two other things: a living duck and a piece of whoever
it is that one would want to inflict this ritual on.
After the daylong ritual (which, incidentally, turns
the duck into a dead one), the Sorcerer may designate
the target to be the natural enemy of all duckdom.
For the next (CD) days, any duck that encounters the
target will fly into a murderous rage, fighting to the
death. As ducks usually only peck for 2 Body Hits (1
Body Hit, if a duckling) an attack (skill roll of 6),
this may not seem so much of a problem; of course,
ducks are rarely solitary creatures...
Time: one day
Essence: CD
Ducks
Corporeal Forces: 1
Strength: 2
Agility: 2
Ethereal Forces: 0
Intelligence: 1
Precision: 1
Celestial Forces: 0
Will: 0
Perception: 1
Toughness/2 (the bloody things seem to shrug off
bullets, as any hunter will tell you. They're always
finding ducks with old gunshot wounds, believe it or
not.)
Body Hits: 6
Skills: Dodge/4, Fighting/4, Flying/6, Swimming/3
This is, like, you know, a duck. It quacks, swims,
and flies. It pecks for a straight 2 Body Hits per
attack, presuming that you somehow annoy it enough.
Ducks usually don't go looking for trouble, though.
Indeed, the only reason why I'm even bothering with
this one is that, sometimes, trouble goes looking for
them.
You see, once upon a time there was a Demon Prince
named - no, not Vapula - Kobal. Yup, that's not much
better, I know. Anyway, once upon a time Kobal
decided that it would be useful (and more importantly,
funny) to have natural weapons against the Host. For
reasons best known to himself, he picked ducks. So,
he fiddled with their genetics a tad.
Hey, Superiors can do that sort of thing: if you can
swallow them being able to make sentient creatures
from scratch, then you can swallow this.
Anyway, what he did was make them explosive. That's
right: there are ducks out there that explode for 4d6
damage when they come in contact with angel flesh
(ducklings explode for a mere 2d6). Sort of like a
matter/antimatter reaction, except without the entire
vaporization of continents and hard radiation thing.
OK, the analogy isn't perfect, but it gives you an
idea.
There's only two problems: first, violently exploding
is usually not the most evolutionarily sound strategy
for the members of any given species, so there aren't
that many ducks with this, and I use the term very
loosely, advantage. Second, well, the experiment
didn't go perfectly well: there's a roughly equivalent
number of ducks out there that violently explode when
they touch demonic flesh.
No, of course there's no way to tell which kind of
duck you have: you have to pick one up and test it.
Every time that a celestial grabs a duck, roll 666: on
a Divine Intervention, you have a Demonic Duck Bomb
and on an Infernal Intervention you have an Angelic
Duck Bomb. On any other roll you simply have an
annoyed duck.
Kyriotates should note that they are immune to this
problem, but they can't tell what kind of duck they're
currently possessing, either. This can lead to
awkwardness - and, of course, dissonance. Those with
the Malakite of Creation or Scabbard Attunements
should also note that all of this means that
technically all ducks can be seen as potential
weapons.
Generally, celestials only go for the Duck Maneuver
when they have no other options: you never know.
Angels tend not to use it, even then: it's just not
nice. Of course, demons have no such scruples,
although they'll reach for a duckling first: less
potential damage to your hand and the critters are
more aerodynamic.
So, now you know why so many angels reluctantly keep a
tennis racket around...
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