By Elizabeth "Archangel Beth" McCoy
A comprehensive course for young demons, in determining the strengths and weaknesses of The Enemy.
Litheroy & Christopher additions by Austin Loomis. Soldier of Hell & Alaemon additions by Adam Canning.
Seraphim: Not as uninterested as Elohim, but no good in bed.
Cherubim: Sort of like teddy bears -- only with teeth and claws. Overly possessive. Not usually open to menage a' trois with their fixations -- and don't even think of making a pass at the fixation before you've distracted the Cherub.
Ofanim: Bad points - have to hit them over the head with a proposition to get them to notice; Good points - never stop moving.
Elohim: Cold fish, no interest. Some of their vessels aren't even fully functional -- think Barbie and Ken, only less personality.
Malakim: Very hard to get along with; equate sex and violence, and usually don't need much of the first if they can get the second. Good for a thrill, but long-term, aren't worth it.
Kyriotates: Really kinky. You can supply the dogs. Or swans. Or whatever. A fun way to have an orgy with only one other person...
Mercurians: Might as well be humans, except better stamina.
Blandine: They think beds are for sleeping in. Boring.
Christopher: Personally, I say child molestation is a waste of time -- they're too young to really understand what's being done to them, and there's a good chance it'll make them grow up to *hate* sex, which puts them out of our reach. Still, some of our team -- especially Shedim -- practically swear by it. Use your own judgment. [Austin Loomis]
David: A hard celestial is good to find... And the humans around them tend to come in groups. Can be a challenge.
Dominic: Stuffed shirts, and it's hard to get a trio of them to agree on anything. They tend to vote. Avoid; they'd rather talk -- and ask questions-- about your past angelic conquests anyway, the voyeurs.
Eli: Can be really fun (even the usually pathetic Choirs), till they find out who you're working for. Then they get all huffy, like they invented sex or something.
Gabriel: Fanatics. Will get on your case if you're not careful. Pretty hot in bed, but you have to catch them when they're not distracted.
Janus: Here today, gone tomorrow. Often fun, till you realize that you just can't make an *impression* with these people! Will also pick your pockets, so don't wear anything.
Jean: Kyrios are fun, but can't always stay in the garden hose long enough. Rest of them are less dull than you might think -- remember, they get Usenet access.
Jordi: Kink factor is high, but you rarely stumble across one; they're easier to turn on if you've got an animal vessel too.
Laurence: Stuffed shirts again. Serious "may we help you" hero complexes. Fun to play with, but don't let them catch on till after you're dressed again and out the door. They hold grudges.
Litheroy: They say they're all for exposure -- then, when you greet them wearing nothing but a smile, they get all huffy and tell the world you're really a demon. And some of 'em can *make* people believe it too! Not worth the risk. [Austin Loomis]
Marc: Can be persuaded to make deals, but would rather fondle money.
Michael: Despite what you might think, not vunerable to camp followers. Tend to be tricky; don't *need* to hold grudges. Avoid.
Novalis: Sappy lot; explain that you just need some kindness and understanding, and they try to mother you. Then they give you these puppy eyes when you don't go Renegade for them. At least they don't have starched undies.
Yves: A bunch of weirdos. Tend to be a little too perceptive. No illusions, just mysticism. Not worth the risk.
Seraphim: Amusing abilities. Use their reactions as a guide if they are dealing with a Suspect. Avoid dealing with them, as their reactions towards you can be equally un-guarded.
Cherubim: Usually useless, but rarely dangerous to one's cover.
Ofanim: Flighty, but easy to spot and avoid. Do not engage in car chases with them. Their resonance is otherwise harmless.
Elohim: Less-useful than Seraphim, but their reactions can still provide clues if they deal with a Suspect. Do not deal with them, as they can also garner clues from you. Are the most likely to offer help to a Suspect, unfortunately.
Malakim: Can be used as front-line troops to take care of a Suspect, but will be equally-dangerous to you if they sense your nature.
Kyriotates: Annoying spies. Do not keep pets.
Mercurians: Practically useless most of the time, but can sometimes be a threat to your cover, more than to that of the Suspect.
Blandine: Unimportant.
Christopher: Seldom a danger to morale, but a pronounced risk. Keep Servitors and children alike away from Suspects -- especially from Suspects in juvenile vessels -- lest they become hopelessly tainted by Enemy ideology. [Austin Loomis]
David: Nuisances.
Dominic: Can sometimes be persuaded that your goals and theirs are aligned. Be wary; Servitors of Judgment often come in threes, usually with a Seraph amongst them.
Eli: Gather information on their activities if it does not interfere; Dominic's Servitors will be interested, and it makes good bait.
Gabriel: Fanatics and unreasonable. Can sometimes be used as general Malakim <see above>, but are usually not worth the effort.
Janus: Do not deal with these Servitors. They are under suspicion.
Jean & Jordi: Unimportant.
Laurence: Unreasonable. Best set upon a Suspect from a distance.
Litheroy: As least as useful as Seraphim and Elohim for uncovering Suspects, but be *very* wary, lest they ruin your own cover. [Austin Loomis]
Marc: Unimportant.
Michael: Unreasonable. Treat as for the Sword, but with greater care, as the angelic Servitors of War are more cunning.
Novalis: An impediment. They will stand in your way if the Suspect asks them for help. They are very unreasonable about this, but you can usually deal with them if your first strike is powerful enough. Do not hold back; after the first blow, they won't either.
Yves: Unimportant to unreasonable to impediment, depending on the Suspect in question. Keep the Suspect from coming into contact with these Servitors.
Seraphim: Potentially formidible in celestial form, usually weak in corporeal ones.
Cherubim: Formidible in corporeal form, average in celestial combat.
Ofanim: A nuisance to deal with -- they are frequently good at avoiding getting hit.
Elohim: Celestial potential is high; corporeal is average to low.
Malakim: Some specialize in corporeal or celestial combat. Some do not. Occasionally worthwhile opponents.
Kyriotates: Often vicious but slow in celestial combat; cowards in corporeal forms. They would rather stand back and use Songs.
Mercurians: Potential threats to demons, but damaging mortals is bad for them. Use cannon-fodder.
Blandine: Wimps, hardly worth the effort.
Christopher: Tactically insignificant. [Austin Loomis]
David: Stronger than many, and sometimes dangerous. They tend to accumulate groups of humans.
Dominic: Unconcerned with external affairs, they can sometimes be ignored for a time. (Though always watch your back with an angel around.) If they are sniffing around someone, send a Lilim to see if there is a potential convert to be salvaged.
Eli: His Malakim are worthy of respect, but otherwise the Servitors of Creation should require little time.
Gabriel: Fanatics who react in fairly predictable ways. Use this to your advantage; human bait works well.
Janus: Moving targets, but they never require a siege to defeat.
Jean: Will only cause problems if you are encouraging a demonically-inspired weapon. Are otherwise too wrapped up in their own concerns to pose any real threat. Kyrios can be annoying if they get into your equipment, but can rarely stay there long enough to be more than pests.
Jordi: Kick dogs. Carry a gun for the wolves.
Laurence: Idealistic and overworked. But take them down *before* sneering.
Litheroy: Not combat-oriented, but they're the *perfect* spies. Pity they're on the other side. [Austin Loomis]
Marc: Civilians. Hardly worth the bother.
Michael: Formidiable most of the time, but do not "work and play well in groups." Their disorganization and self-reliance make them annoying, but ultimately only pests.
Novalis: Hit hard first, pick the splinters out afterwards.
Yves: Can be surprisingly hard targets. Take them out when it's convenient to do so, but don't let them fester around the area.
Seraphim: Unimportant, save for those of Dream, who are far too perceptive.
Cherubim: Distasteful creatures, who get in the way far too often.
Ofanim: Space and distance, direction and motion are all subject to different rules in the Marches. Learn the rules, and confound the Wheels, losing them amid the dreamscapes.
Elohim: Even the highest of them may learn fear if given long enough. Take the time; they do not deal with stress as well as they think.
Malakim: They do not have the imagination to understand true fear, and must be avoided. Those of Dream are quiet, skulking beasts.
Kyriotates: These must be rooted out like weeds, scattered as they become in the Marches.
Mercurians: They love humanity, and this is their greatest weakness. As with the Cherubim, they can be reached through this feeling, and they rarely have the ability to cope with threats to their precious mortals, unlike the Cherubim.
Blandine: Deadly fools, one and all. Destroy them or convince them to turn their coats; they are meddlesome creatures otherwise.
Christopher: A child is the ultimate toy. Servitors of Lynoure, this is what the Word of Shadow Shapes is all about. [Austin Loomis]
David: No matter how many friends a human has, he dreams alone; Stone is laughable.
Dominic: Unimportant, or even beneficial, as angels fear one from their own side.
Eli: Scattered and unimportant.
Gabriel: Avoid these, for their eyes see much.
Janus: Unimportant, as they rarely stick around long enough to form ties with mortals.
Jean: Unimportant.
Jordi: Animals may dream, but they are of little use to us.
Laurence: Avoid, and these Servitors may be ignored in our true work.
Litheroy: With a few words, these Servitors can undo weeks of work. And unlike the Elohim, they're not reliably vulnerable to fear. Above all, beware the Masters of Discovery, who can often trace you back from a victim. [Austin Loomis]
Marc: Failed business not only terrorizes mortals, but is a thorn in the side of the servants of Trade. Laugh.
Michael: Loners, these may be harder to find and avoid. Make the effort.
Novalis: They offer the bough of peace and trust, and are amusing playthings.
Yves: These see too much. Avoid them when you can.
Seraphim: Tall and skinny -- matchsticks.
Cherubim: Often brawny -- bonfire logs. Usually come devoted to kindling.
Ofanim: Seriously annoying moving targets -- and they think they understand fire better than *we* do!
Elohim: Fun to set them on fire and watch them go subjective.
Malakim: No fun, but torching them sometimes slows them down.
Kyriotates: All you need to do is torch one of their hosts, and they're out of action. Sometimes they get pragmatic enough to scram just before the host goes up in smoke, though, and then you have to watch out for the local wildlife -- or your flamethrower, if it was one of Jean's. Vindictive little creeps.
Mercurians: Kindling.
Blandine: Gotta find 'em to burn 'em.
Christopher: Nothin' like the fresh-faced innocence of kids out playing with matches... [Austin Loomis]
David: Stone burns if you heat it long enough -- but it also gets kinda upset and will try for you.
Dominic: If they're in the way, toast 'em. Azzie might not like it, but he can't say you're not devoted!
Eli: The Malakim of Creation may try to take your toys away. Jerks. Fry 'em quick.
Gabriel: *BURN*BURN*BURN*BURN*BURN ON SIGHT!!! Show 'em what the Word of Fire *really* means!
Janus: More moving targets. Aim for their wheels first, then pick 'em off when they try to hitch-hike.
Jean: Watch out for the Kyrios -- and the other ones! Sometimes they can louse up your gear if you're close.
Jordi: Mmmmmm! Crispy Critters! Burning fur stinks, though.
Laurence: Sword flambe' anyone? They'll put up a fight, so be prepared.
Litheroy: Nothing but talk, talk, talk! A little hotfoot usually shuts 'em up. [Austin Loomis]
Marc: Trade *this*, wimps... }}}FOOSH{{{
Michael: More Servitors who'll put up a nasty fight. Don't let them get too close if you can help it.
Novalis: It's fun to watch these guys when you've just set fire to a plant. Apologize humbly -- that usually confuses them -- then flame 'em.
Yves: If they're following some mortal around, fry the mortal. That'll tick 'em off, so you hafta toast them next, real quick, right after you've seen the expression.
Seraphim: Yummy. Not much meat on their bones, though.
Cherubim: Crunchy on the outside, chewy on the inside. Come right after the appetizer, if you're lucky.
Ofanim: Fast food.
Elohim: Bland. Need salt.
Malakim: Prickly on the outside, crunchy on the inside, tougher than most.
Kyriotates: The ones in animals make great snacks, but it's hard to catch them. Sometimes they'll fly around shooting Celestial Light-songs at you.
Mercurians: ...just like pork, only you might have to spit out feathers.
Blandine: Visions of sugarplums. Mmmmm.
Christopher: Mmm... candy! Cookies! Soda!! *Sugary cereals!!* [Austin Loomis]
David: Crunchy. Don't break a tooth.
Dominic: Sometimes crunchy, sometimes chewy. Often comes in three-packs. No sense of humor.
Eli: Some of them can turn water into wine! Marinate well.
Gabriel: Already warmed up and ready to go, but will try to burn your mouth.
Janus: More fast food.
Jean: Sometimes very crunchy. Don't let them get too near a microwave.
Jordi: Mmmmmm, Animals!
Laurence: Work up an appetite, then use the sword as a toothpick.
Litheroy: Surprising sometimes -- but then, who wants the same thing every day anyway? [Austin Loomis]
Marc: Mmmmm, vending machines!
Michael: Tough and crunchy all the way through. And stringy.
Novalis: Mmmmm, Salad!
Yves: No sense of humor. Chewy.
Seraphim: Hard to find their funny-bone, but worth it to watch the cracks. Good targets for sight-gags, though; they play "straight man" so well!
Cherubim: Tough cases, really serious. Make them watch their fixations do pratfalls. It's really funny if you can get *them* to hit their fixation with a car or something.
Ofanim: The sort of guys who'll do road-runner impressions, so don't use anything from Acme on them. They sometimes giggle.
Elohim: *Really* straight men. Maybe it's dissonant for them to laugh? Crack a smile? Work on them, find out. But be careful, since they may ignore what you're doing to try and slap something unfunny on you.
Malakim: These guys have no sense of humor at all, but if you can set them up as the target and carry it off, some of the other Choirs may giggle. They take themselves too seriously. Run away fast, though, 'cause they'll hold a serious grudge -- just for one little joke!
Kyriotates: These guys think they can pull better tricks than we can, usually by some varient of shellgame. Then they have the nerve to snicker! (And what's worse, they're *hard* to snare... Sometimes it's better to just avoid someone.)
Mercurians: Get them to hurt somebody. Watch the expression on their face. Now *that's* funny!
Blandine, David, Dominic: Dull, dull, dull. No senses of humor. Dream'll freeze you out, Stone'll throw rocks (tough audience!), and Judgment's only good for a target. Mind you, Judgment's not so well-liked on their own side, so if you can get *them*...
Christopher: Still POed over the whole Children's Crusade thing. Honestly, some folks just *can't* take a joke... [Austin Loomis]
Eli: Clueless! Some of these people don't even *see* what's funny about life, but they go around smiling anyway! Maybe you can catch their Superior in something, though -- wouldn't *that* make all those angels laugh!
Gabriel: Take themselves too seriously -- hard to affect, except as targets. And they'll hunt you down if they can.
Janus: We could like these guys, except they remind us of Valefor, and *he's* a real weird case. But it's really funky to see them try to steal something and find out you've got a mousetrap in your pocket. Steal (get it?) their thunder, let them take the blame.
Jean: He just doesn't understand how funny it would be to crack into Heaven.Net and go play with the keyword search on DominicNet. [in-joke relating to the list -- "heretical" postings were "caught" by various people, using DominicNet as a nom-de-keyboard; later abandoned as overused]
Jordi: Tell them the "What Does A 400 Pound Canary Say" joke. Then drop an anvil on 'em. Haagenti's guys will help with the anvil.
Laurence: These guys are just soooo uptight about their honor. Manipulate them into an attack on their own side and just *watch* those great expressions!
Litheroy: What these guys think is funny is blowing *our* cover. They just don't get it. Avoid.
Marc: If you can sell them a bridge or land-deal, it's *great*! But they're pretty cunning in that direction themselves. Sometimes it's just better to find out what they've been buying and blow it up. Occasionally you can make them react by talking about robber barons or computer conglomerates, who make it big by selling diabolical stuff!
Michael: Way too serious, these guys. Tell them to lighten up -- but do it from a safe distance!
Novalis: Always good targets for thing like the water-squirting flower (though Haagenti's guys do that sort of thing better), or the sneezing powder in their flowers... You can have all kinds of fun with them if you're careful, though, 'cause they don't hit first.
Yves: Sometimes the only thing you can do is swap the photocopier with the shredder -- these guys don't always *notice* anything else!
Seraphim: They are subject to flashes of insight. Do not speak with them.
Cherubim: They can often be found guarding those with the brightest destinies. Indeed, sometimes their presence is a give-away. Watch for them.
Ofanim: Uninteresting, though they can show up at the most inopportune moments, via paths that you would not believe possible.
Elohim: These creatures may be able to guess your nature. Avoid them if you can, deliver them to Trauma if you cannot.
Malakim: Violent and extreme, these are threats. They do not Fall, normally. If you could arrange for this to change, the Prince would be *very* pleased. If you find one with that Fated Future, escape at once and report so that a team can be assigned to the task.
Kyriotates: Annoying creatures -- you can never be sure that they're not around. Do not keep pets.
Mercurians: Not so bad as Cherubim, but they can be tiresome if you meddle in the affairs of mortals and they find out. Sometimes they are even *more* tiresome than Cherubim that way, as Cherubim are usually seen only with fixations.
Blandine: Depressingly effective at times, causing targets to dream of hope and destiny. Eliminate these Servitors when you come across them.
Christopher: It is never too early to begin leading a child on the proper path. The accursed Yves recognized it when he took Christopher under his wing; we must acknowledge it as well. [Austin Loomis]
David: If you can cause one of their humans to break with his group, it will annoy them. If done subtly enough, however, you can cut the target out of the herd without arousing Stone's dull suspicions.
Dominic: His Servitors' goals and ours rarely come into conflict, but they are persistant in their attempts to interfere when the target is fated to suffer injustice on the way down.
Eli: These Servitors will interfere with any attempt to turn an artistic sort to greater, more fateful things.
Gabriel: If you are careful and clever, you may shepard a human to his fate *and* inculcate enough cruelty that Gabriel's Servitors will finish the job, ensuring that Destiny is not achieved. It is delicious irony.
Janus: Far too like Valefor's own Servitors. It is suspicious. Gather data.
Jean: If you meddle in the affairs of technological geniuses, you will run into one or more of the Servitors of Lightning. It is nearly fated to be the case. Sometimes, however, all you have to do is hold them away from influencing the target during crucial research. This can be hard if you must deal with a Kyriotate of Jean, but is well worth the effort.
Jordi: More concerned with animals, and therefore usually unimportant.
Laurence: A generic annoyance, worth little as a guide to the good hunting grounds and targets. Violent, but predictable.
Litheroy: These Servitors occasionally reveal a target's Destiny. Get them to reveal it to *you*...and make sure that the mortal himself *doesn't* find out. [Austin Loomis]
Marc: Remind these Servitors of Bill Gates and laugh -- so rich, so successful, so hated! They hate to see a businessperson become corrupt, and will seek to interfere.
Michael: Another generic annoyance. Violent, less predictable tactics, but found solitary more often than those of the Sword.
Novalis: They waffle, if you are good at sweet talking them, making them believe you are seeking something light. (Take care not to do this around Servitors of Asmodeus, of course.) If you are careful, you may be able to seal the target's Fate while the Flowerchild is distracted. If you cannot manage this, then strike hard and first.
Yves: From first to last, avoid direct contact with these Servitors unless it is to kill them or their vessels. They will often be found around the sweetest targets. For a special run down on the Choirs within the ranks of Destiny, attend the seminar tomorrow in room 3A. It is worth knowing more about our most bitter enemies.
Seraphim: While this lot can tell when we're employing a spot of misdirection, they can't usually *do* anything about it -- angels are so impotent sometimes!
Cherubim: These guys are tough to detach from things! But if you can do it, sometimes they'll Trip! They take your attempts really badly, though. If they've a mortal fixation, go there first -- quietly!
Ofanim: Don't sit still long enough to *have* relationships.
Elohim: Don't have the emotions to have relationships, but will do their best to untangle your work. Usually better at it than Seraphim, the emotionless twits.
Malakim: Don't try to do anything directly with these guys.
Kyriotates: Now, if you could make one start hating *itself*, in, like, a split personality... And if the Kyrio isn't careful, you can really romp after it's *left* a host -- surprising, how many of them never call home while they're possessed!
Mercurians: Annoyances, who can sometimes figure out what you're trying to do. Easiest to affect directly, though, 'cause they have lots of mortal friends.
Blandine: Not very important -- Beleth gets more of that lot than us.
Christopher: Use your attunements. Polarize the playgrounds, for starters. Just remember -- it's never too late to have an unhappy childhood! [Austin Loomis]
David: These guys and their mutual loyalty kick get old fast. But if you can get them squabbling amongst themselves (or their human buddies), they'll be busy cleaning up and you can get out of the area. They hate it when that happens.
Dominic: Hard, dangerous fun, but if you can get a triad PO'ed at each other... Otherwise, you can usually ignore them, since they're rather chase angels than demons. Just don't let them know you were the one trying to instigate a Trip or Fall...
Eli: Depends on who they're serving. You'd think more of them would be easy marks, abandoned by their Master.
Gabriel: Fanatics. Watch out for their Seraphim and Elohim, and it's not usually worth trying to influence the angels directly.
Janus: Don't hang around long enough to really work on.
Jean: They love their tech more than humans anyway. Get them involved in flamewars on the Net.
Jordi: Unimportant -- who cares about a bunch of animals anyway? (Well, *they* do, actually... more than they care about humans. Hmmm... Maybe there's potential there for some angelic infighting.)
Laurence: Raving loons, also fanatical. Watch out for these guys, because they are incompetant, and violence is the last refuge...
Litheroy: A bunch of busy-bodies who stick their noses in just when you're having fun. See if you can convince them to keep a secret or two of their own, then watch 'em swell Alaemon's ranks. [Austin Loomis]
Marc: This lot can't stand us -- they're all for "up and up" straight dealing with other folks. Which makes them all the more fun to yank around.
Michael: Another incompetant, but *man* is their refuge strong... And they're a bunch of loners, too! Avoid, avoid!
Novalis: Peacenik, love love joy joy, harmony, working together in happiness. It's enough to give your vessel diabetes at fifty paces. *Break* all those icky-sweet bonds that they're so fond of! Send 'em dead roses! Get them hysterical 'cause all their nice pets (and flowers) have gone all brown and spikey, and their boss won't be amused.
Yves: These people will show up at the most inconvenient times to try and tweak what you've been working at. They're almost as subtle as we are, and that means you'd better not have made any mistakes. When you have a battle of wits with these angels, remember, they are *not* unarmed.
(Some takes inspired by something zedd@io.com said...)
Seraphim: These guys hate us for some reason. Usually pick vessels popular with the older crowd, and people with pretentions to class. Cast similar sorts as prissy butlers and busybodies in sitcoms.
Cherubim: They go for more combat-capable vessels. Can be popular with the teenage crowd. Cast similar sorts as dimwitted puppies -- devoted, but nobody you *really* want living in your back pocket.
Ofanim: Hyperactive, short attention spans. Put similar types in cartoons, little-kid-shows, and other places where they will not be taken seriously. Alternatively, show hyperactivity such as theirs as requiring medication for mental instability.
Elohim: Utterly boring. Exaggerate into pompus, long-winded, clueless types with no life, and put them in sitcoms.
Malakim: Violent. Show this type on cop-shows -- either as "bad cop" or as the thugs arrested.
Kyriotates: Hard to pin down. Air reruns of "the Body Snatchers" when you think you've got one in town. You can sometimes make something of them on shrink-shows or talk-shows, as symptoms of Multiple Personality Disorder. Do it right, and you can get the host committed to an institution and on psych-drugs before the Kyrio can abandon it,and then it's got some serious distractions!
Mercurians: The hardest to get at, since they're the most human, only goody-goody. Best bet is to stuff them into the ultra-nice diabetes at fifty-paces type, who's also totally clueless about how the real world works. Sometimes you can stick them in dramas or thrillers -- as the one who believes the best in everybody, and has the shortest, messiest, life expectancy.
Blandine: "All I ever do is dream my life away..." Get the humans convinced that dreams are nothing but fog and randomness, and they shouldn't care what goes on in their heads at night. Much better they should concern themselves with reality, like sports, sitcoms or their little boring lives. Then they turn to talk-shows.
Christopher: Depict similar types as sour-mouthed Puritan oldsters. Win the hearts and minds of the next generation away by making the villains *cooler* than the heroes. Now you know, and knowing is half the mandatory 'edu-cational content' segment (another thing we have these killjoys to thank for). [Austin Loomis]
David: Gang violence is always popular -- play it up! Especially the crimes committed and the mob mentality! Hell, play up the "cult" aspect of *anything* you can -- soon everbody'll be worrying over their kids joining *Sunday school*!
Dominic: These guys are hard to get a handle on, since they're usually after angels. Still, lawyer jokes are great things, and they're prone to those... Get mortals to worry about Men In Black coming to take them away, or abuse their authority ("bad cop" archetype can work here) -- some of that may spill over to the angels, and then they get too worked up to deal with Dominic's triads.
Eli: Hard to get any dirt on, but you can usually manage to discredit artists and tighten the morals of the area so that sex becomes a dirty word. Do it *right* and you can get Andre happy as well, since people start equating sex with "dirty" and doing it only for their own selfish pleasures. Failing that, turn their sort "flighty," though that works better with the Flowerchildren.
Gabriel: Vigilantes are usually cool archetypes -- but impress upon the public that you wouldn't want to associate with them. After all, who knows when they might lose their grip on reality entirely and go on a killing spree? When a human sees a Servitor of heavenly Fire, that human should call the cops, not cheer. This is hard to play up, though -- the other side keeps trying to come up with scripts where the vigilante gets away with it. It's all Robin Hood's fault.
Janus: You make Valefor happy, and Janus gets happy too. You start riding down cycle gangs and thieves, and you find out that somebody's broken into your apartment and redecorated, and you don't know who did it. Sometimes, you just can't win.
Jean: Mad science gone awry! Computers taking over the world! Highly advanced aliens blow up Washington -- no, wait, that might be too uplifting. Lots of fertile ground here for making science incomprehensible (mystical works good here), dangerous, or useless -- or all three! If you can't manage that, you're just not trying; there *are* positions as a laugh-track available in Hell, you know...
Jordi: Extremist nutcases. Will do annoying things with your stunt animals if you let them. You can usually play up the fanatics who break into labs, smash stuff up, and let AIDS-infected animals go "into the wilds" of somebody's vacant lot. This, amusingly enough, will also tar the "responsible pet owner" groups as well, and they won't have enough support to go for their spay-and-neuter-and-adopt events, so you get over-crowding of strays, and can make fun of the old people who keep huge collections of animals instead of going out and making friends! It's great! (If you're really good, you can start another Black Plague...)
Laurence: Take themselves too seriously. Stick them in the "dumb cop" category, and have the populace convinced that if they call the cops, nothing will happen but the gangs get madder and kill them off in nasty ways.
Litheroy: Cast similar sorts as nosey private detectives -- the kind who'll run you in for a 20-year-old traffic ticket. That puts a little gum on their shoe. [Austin Loomis]
Marc: Real wheeler-dealers, but it's usually easy enough to get people resenting them -- jealousy is sooooo useful! Just show another corrupt-rich-guy, and watch these fellows chew their designer ties.
Michael: Another case for violent loners as bad cops, over-enthusiastic vigilantes, or just random killers.
Novalis: Hey, look: druggies! Free-love, disease-spreading, brainless Flowerchildren who are stuck in the 60's and couldn't contribute to society if they tried! They also make nice dupes in cult-movies.
Yves: Fate, Destiny, who cares about all that mystic rot? It's not real. Play up the "out of touch with reality, talks to spirits" aspect, and mix in a little "psycho, could turn violent any time" if you're really having problems with these guys. At best, they're crystal-loving flakes. Remember, you're making them into *mystics* here, not religious types -- use crystal power and friendly spirits, never actual thought-provoking stuff.
Seraphim: They tell the truth, they know the truth. They usually have wimpy vessels. Good rite-fodder.
Cherubim: Harder to kill. Go for the fixation. That upsets them.
Ofanim: Hard to hit.
Elohim: They know emotions. Often wimps. Good rite-fodder.
Malakim: Tough to kill. Get a Calabite.
Kyriotates: They use hosts, get mad if you kill one. Amusing.
Mercurians: They like live humans. Ick. Usually rite-fodder, some will fight.
Blandine: Sleeping people die good.
Christopher: Good rite-fodder. They say the good die young, right? Help Chris' boys keep that in mind. [Austin Loomis]
David: They fight. Sometimes have human buddies. Lots of fun, if you get the drop on them.
Dominic: Come in threes. Not worth the effort.
Eli: They talk about "natural cycles." Don't listen, just kill their vessels. They like humans to live; make them stop.
Gabriel: Watch out -- they find you, sometimes real easy, and chase you around. Fighters.
Janus: Show up, fight some, go away. Annoying.
Jean: Techies can be wimps. Don't count on it all the time, though.
Jordi: Unimportant. Animals die too.
Laurence: They hate us. All noble, protecting humans, that kind of thing.
Litheroy: They dig into secret stuff. Good rite-fodder. Makes Alaemon happy when you whack 'em, so don't let him know. [Austin Loomis]
Marc: Unimportant, except for vending machines. But some of those, you can make the stuff go bad...
Michael: War, death -- simple, right? They don't see that.
Novalis: Flowers and peace and harmony. Ick. Use *lots* of agent orange.
Yves: Weeeeeiiiiird. Will fight for some, not for others. Can't figure them out. Don't try, just make them go away. Trauma is good way to keep them away.
Seraphim: They see through your alibis like nobody's business. Don't let the Balseraph explain to *these* guys, or you'll get a hurting Bal.
Cherubim: Watch out for these guys if they're attuned to what you've got in your pocketses. Otherwise, just steer clear of their infatuation, and you're home free -- they won't follow you far.
Ofanim: Speedy dudes. You could almost like them, except so many of them are so nice-nice; they'd be great for getaway cars. As it is, they're always on the *wrong* side of the car-chase -- the one that's not yours.
Elohim: They don't get ruffled, and they unruffle other people after you've done a perfectly good B&E. "It's only property," they can say, and get humans agreeing. They're a bunch of spoilsports!
Malakim: These guys play bad cop/worse cop, and they keep getting their signals crossed about who's supposed to be the *worse* cop. They're a perfect reason for the motto: "Don't Get Caught."
Kyriotates: Ever get the feeling you're being watched? The critter patrol's only redeeming feature is that you can hold it hostage against itself, for a few moments. Don't let animals hang around watching you pick the locks.
Mercurians: Snappy dressers, but don't get them too riled. Even if they are cute when they're angry.
Blandine: Boooooring. Stealing dreams is Kronus' job, and he's welcome to it.
Christopher: Teach 'em a little shoplifting, a little filching from the cookie jar, and you're halfway there, y'know? [Austin Loomis]
David: Perfectly happy to start a gang-war against you when you breeze into town. This can be refreshing, but gets old quick. At least the Stonies can't hit you first, so you get a chance to escape with the goods.
Dominic: Not usualy very interesting, but if you can steal away an Outcast from them, they get the *coolest* expressions!
Eli: Steal all you want, they'll make more! Cute lot, too: sometimes it's worth pretending you're Windys, see if you can steal any hearts! Gotta watch it, though -- it's safer to play games with Flowerchildren.
Gabriel: These people have some idea that you're in it to get your kicks from making humans upset... Well, okay, that too -- but the adrenalin charge is pretty good too! Still, watch out for the gal's Seraphim and Ofanim -- especially those bounty-hunting Ofanim! -- since they just don't give up!
Janus: Like "Wind" is any competion to *Theft*. Okay, they're hard to hold onto, and they've got some interesting abilities... That doesn't mean that we're not Numero Uno around here! Still, keep your secret handshake and decoder ring -- sometimes, well, it's a little hard to tell, and it's always nasty to get into an unexpected rumble. They'll be happy to chase you, too.
Jean: Hey, you'd think he'd be *happy* about the big V taking that Tesla dude's cancer-cure away! But nooooooo... Watch out for gizmos when these guys are around.
Jordi: Just don't steal any pets -- you might get a nasty surprise.
Laurence: Oh, man, sometimes it's just *too* easy. These are the people who will help little old ladies across the street and only figure it out afterwards that you just picked their pockets.
Litheroy: Astoundingly good at finding you out and taking the swag back where you got it. Spoilsports. Get Al's people to help you out if you can -- they'll be glad of the rite-fodder. [Austin Loomis]
Marc: These folks are funny -- they can't stand us wandering off with stuff without paying for it. *Especially* not *their* stuff. C'mon, isn't it undignified for celestials to be so attached to corporeal things? You gotta point this out to them, right?
Michael: Another group with no sense of humor -- and if you can't get the weapons (or ammo) away from them while their backs are turned, weeelllll, maybe it's time to move on.
Novalis: Peace, love, joy! It's so fun to go around disturbing the peace! They don't usually have that much to steal, but at least they don't do more than call the cops on ya. Some of them are even cute.
Yves: His guys don't like Kronos, which makes 'em pretty decent -- for angels. Just don't remind them that the Big V got something from their boss's library
Seraphim: These angels are most inconvenient when you are attempting to sell something to someone. In short, they are akin to Dilbertian Engineers, who cannot keep their mouths shut about minor little things such as side-effects.
Cherubim: This Choir is rarely much of a problem, save in the "muscle" department -- they make decent thugs, if often a bit fixated, but thugs can be dealt with.
Ofanim: Dangerously flighty and probably as prone to breaking equipment as Calabim -- they are certainly responsible for wear and tear on vehicles. A pity they do not cause more accidents...
Elohim: They try to stave off the human demoralization inherent in a progressive technological society. It is really quite fascinating, but sometimes they actually make some kind of difference. It is a pity they do not understand their true calling.
Malakim: They are violent, destructive creatures, second only to Calabim for mass destruction. Keep them away from breakables, such as your equipment, and your vessel.
Kyriotates: It is a sad thing when you must be wary of every lab animal around, but sometimes you must. They may also turn up as night watchmen or lab assistants. Be careful of anyone acting out of the ordinary.
Mercurians: Their resonance is for people, not technology. Nevertheless, they can sometimes outwit even Marketing.
Blandine: One must simply persuade humans that what *you* have to sell -- waking dreams -- is better than what these Servitors are giving away. Even if there are one or two bugs in the item, at least it's something mortals can touch.
Christopher: This pressure group often uselessly bemoans the passing of older, less engineered forms of entertainment. [Austin Loomis]
David: You would think these Servitors would be more grateful for the things we have given humanity -- our weapons are most effective. A shame they cannot understand this, or appreciate the guns we devise.
Dominic: Usually not concerned with our business, and we need not concern ourselves with theirs. If our paths do not cross, there is no reason to seek them out.
Eli: That the makers of artifacts -- the Elohim and Mercurians of Creation -- are allowed to run around loose proves the inherent weakness of this group. It also affords opportunities to make them even more scarce, by placing them in Trauma.
Gabriel: Fanatical and persistant, with a decidedly un-enlightened approach to the world. They really should join the 20th century, rather than running around attempting to slaughter those of us who only want to...help.
Janus: Highly annoying types. They will attempt to steal your artifacts for no other reason than because it amuses them.
Jean: Our chief adversary. Fortunately, hide-bound and unimaginative, seemingly unaware that Technology *wants* to be free and reproduce! If you want something to get loose, you can always release it on the Net; but be quick and cunning, for the Kyrios of Lightning make efficient cancel'bots.
Jordi: "Back to nature" sorts, and another reason to keep a wary eye (and accurate count) on your laboratory animals.
Laurence: Only worth mentioning for their disturbing tendency to hunt down those they call demons, for no particularly good reason.
Litheroy: Often useful for getting our devices out to the masses, but they can't be automatically relied on. [Austin Loomis]
Marc: They have the nerve to say that we're not making fair deals with humans, just because we neglect to give bug reports! Really, now, if the invention works, what does the human have to complain about?
Michael: Another unreasonable group with too much time on their violent hands.
Novalis: Slightly less fanatical than Jordi's lot, these are still "Green" angels, and have no understanding about the features ofTechnology. They simply cannot be spoken to in any sort of reasonable way, and must usually be dealt with via the application of sufficient force.
Yves: Surprisingly, these angels will sometimes seek to interfere in your activities. It can be most disquieting, as they are relatively subtle in their meddling. However, similar tactics as those that work on the Servitors of Lightning -- quickness and cunning -- have been known to be effective against the angels of Destiny.
"It's like this, you see -- our Mother doesn't really tell us *that* much, but you pick things up. Remember, you're not just any old demon. You're a *Lilim*, and you can see things in ways the others can't imagine. Now, pay attention, 'cause if I have to repeat this, you're gonna owe me. First time's practically a freebie, 'cause we're sisters.
Okay, the first thing to remember is that everything depends on who you're working for. If you've gone and bound yourself to a Prince, then they'll react like they do for that Prince -- but you'll have gotten the 'Know the Enemy' talk from your buddies there anyway, so I won't go into that. But us, the Free Daughters -- and don't you TANSTAAFL [*] at me, kid! -- sometimes get different reactions.
Second thing to remember is that if you're not careful, and start *dealing* with angels, you'll get Azzie's hounds of hell after you, wanting to know why you're not trying to kill angels. If you're getting too buddy-buddy with one, then yeah, you're in trouble. Mind you, Azzie's lot are more likely to slam you into Trauma first and apologize to our Mother afterwards. So Don't Get Caught."
[* "There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free
Lunch" -- Lilim motto.
"There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lilim" -- mocking perversion
of Lilim motto]
Seraphim: They are usually tall and proud, and if you're lucky enough to look one in the eyes and find a Need to fulfill, you'll have to be totally up-front about what level of Geas it's going to cost them. If you don't want to tell them the truth about something, just *look* at them -- they can pick things out of the Symphony if you talk, but not if you just smile. And it really weirds them out when you do either one, but especially if you tell the truth, 'cause they don't expect demons to be truthful about *anything*. They're also kinda dangerous to deal-make around, 'cause they might pick out that our "little return favors" are gonna come backed by a nice Geas. Watch out for them.
Cherubim: Their greatest Need is to protect the object of their attunement. You'll have to read it in their eyes to lay a proper Geas, of course, but it's going to be there if they're fixated on anything. This also makes them awfully paranoid about "our sort" -- either that we're just some scuzzy demon out to hurt their fixation, or that we'll actually be able to lay a Geas on their fixation or themselves.
Ofanim: It is *hard* to make eye contact with these guys! They're always hyped! You practically have to hit them over the head with something. It's kind of weird, though -- they've gotta be free to move around, even more than we do.
Elohim: These are harder targets than the Seraphim, since they rarely have *Needs* that they can't put away if you try to give them what you saw they wanted. They're *slippery*! And they can be dangerous like the Seraphim to make deals around, 'cause they know what people feel. At best, they tend to think you're some kind of streetwalker. But they're the most likely Choir to just *talk* to you, if you're not busy and they're not busy. It's got something to do with them being objective and wanting to understand motivations. Spooky, but sometimes worthwhile to humor them -- how do you think we Lilim find out about angels, anyway, sis? Besides working with them sometimes, when our Mother trades a Geas bright-side, of course.
Malakim: Dangerous, very dangerous. Especially if you've ever stuck by a Geas that you didn't much like doing -- either they catch you for sticking with something nasty, like working with a Shedite 'cause you had to (utterly "dishonor"), or they catch you for doing your job even though you didn't like it (you'd think that was honorable!), and they *know what your job was*. Backpedal *fast*, don't hit first -- sometimes they can't start fights, or escalate them beyond what you try -- and try to get a resonance on them. If you're lucky, you'll pick up their Need to kill a demon -- that'll be you -- and you can tell them that if you hold still and let yourself be killed, they'll owe you one. This may slow them down long enough for you to scram.
Kyriotates: These things are nearly as bad as Shedim. Their Needs aren't so gross -- *nothing* has Needs as disgusting as a Shedite! -- but they go walking around in other people's bodies. Now, I ask you, is that any way for *angels* to behave, after they get all holier than thou about enslaving other people with Geasa and such? I don't *think* so! So it only makes sense that they get *really* disgusting when they Fall. You can sometimes spot them, though, since the real person is walkies in the Marches and the Needs you'll pick up will be the Kyrio's. Just remember: they generally have the highest resistance to Geasa of all the angels; it's like trying to slap a Geas on a Balseraph or something! Usually better not to try, so you don't get backlash.
Mercurians: The hardest to spot via their Needs, since they're so like humans. They're kind of fun at parties, though! But don't forget -- you're not human, so if they get annoyed they *can* slap *you* around.
Children of the Grigori: Okay, angels won't talk to these guys, and they avoid demons. But sometimes one of us will meet one for a little bit. We're born of a Princess, so we give them the creeps eventually, but they are around. And sometimes, what they Need to know is why they're so weird. If you can get one to believe you, go for it. But be *really* careful calling in the Geas later -- they're likely to have willpower, and you don't want the backlash. You might do better to just ask nicely and not even try to put in the Geas.
Blandine: We don't meet these people much, unless we're doing a Favor for Beleth. They generally don't give a damn unless you're going against one of their pet dreamers.
Christopher: Kids can be easy to get the big ones on -- they have such troule doing *anything* -- or they can be really trivial, if all they want is a hug or something. You can make a pretty good living with the pony, puppy and kitten vessels, though. Of course, the Elohim of Children are racing you for the brats' every Need, and the rest are running interference for 'em. *sigh*
David: They're not allowed to start fights -- but their skinhead buddies will. If you're unlucky enough to encounter one of the Stonies, hope that he's alone and *do not hit first*. Run, baby, run. They'll try to corner you and make you fight or eat the dissonance, so watch out.
Dominic: This lot go after their own renegades -- Outcasts, they call them. But if they catch you, they might try to interrogate you if you've had any dealings at all with angels. Grab their Needs if you can, and remember that they like to work in trios with a Seraph and Cherub, and the Cherub can act even worse than a Djinn if they decide you're guilty of something -- track you around *and* hurt you!
Eli: The Servitors of Creation are weird cases -- they're found serving all kinds of people, so it's hard to make a generalization about them. Except that they're really fun at parties. Don't get attached to one, though -- they're still angels, and they don't understand when a Geas gets called in, you *have* to answer it. Sometimes you kinda feel sorry for them a little, though -- their boss went AWOL on them, and they're angels, not Lilim. They don't know how to deal without their boss giving them orders.
Gabriel: This is one loonie lot -- you get on their bad side somehow, and they will *never* quit chasing you. Best you can hope for is to get the hell out of Dodge -- or wherever they found you.
Janus: If you're not careful, you might think these guys are Valefor's lot. They act a lot alike. But don't tell them that, 'cause they'll get mad! Keep your eyes open, your head down, and don't reveal your nature if you can help it. Even your resonance won't help you here, not with Valefor's thieves running around.
Jean: These guys have some seriously cool attunements -- don't go after them with anything more complex than a club! And watch out for their Kyrios getting into a computer. And the weird thing is, some of them won't get really upset about Free Daughters. I think it's 'cause they've got an Elohite for a boss, and Elohim are so laid back.
Jordi: If you don't kick dogs or pull cats' tails, Jordi probably won't much care. It's better not to keep any pets, though -- between Jordi's lot and Kyriotates, it's just not safe.
Laurence: No sense of humor or fun in these guys. Vamoose yourself. If you get stuck, treat as Malakim -- there's a chance that you can even bluff one about how strong his Need is to kill you.
Litheroy:'Information wants to be free,' right? These guys have the right idea, but sometimes they go too far with it, telling other people that our bargains are more than just mundane promises -- they're all as nutty as Seraphim that way, only worse. [Austin Loomis, with modifications... --arcangel@prismnet.com]
Marc: These people are nearly Lilim themselves! And they're really good at deal-making. I mean *really* good -- you think you're hot stuff, fooling a mortal. You're young, kid. These guys, they're mostly *experienced*, and their Archangel gives them attunements to help. Unfair advantage, really. Watch what you sign with one, and read all the fine print.
Michael: More people with no sense of humor. Sometimes the Malakim treatment will work, but sometimes it won't, especially if you're just bluffing.
Novalis: Real sweeties. Don't hit first, and you might be able to talk to these people for a little while. Careful, though -- they'll want you to go Renegade for them, and Azzi'll land on your case so hard...
Yves: These people are too strange for words. First of all, some of them have the *uncanny* ability to spot you -- probably some funky attunement. And after they've done *that*, they may start looking at you funny. Be really careful talking to them -- they can make the craziest notions make sense, and *then* where are you when the Servitors of the Game come calling? But they get vicious and mean if you're messing with one of their pet humans; they do *not* want you laying a Geas on somebody they know, and they just don't buy the offer to swap and take the Geas on *them* instead.
Remeber the truth wants to stay hidden. Trust nothing, even this document.
Seraphim: Totally mad; they don't understand that the control of knowledge is power. Keep away from them; they make your Rites harder and totaly louse up the Barons of the Vault. Kill if you can otherwise keep clear.
Cherubim: Make very very sure they don't get attached to any thing you want to keep secret. They are far too good at finding things you want to hide.
Ofanim: Don't stay around long enough to find out anything worth knowing. So no worries there.
Elohim: They have secret emotions, we want to know about secrets. Blackmail is Fun.
Malakim: Tough to kill. Play head games on them -- they do not understand subtlety or deception -- and make sure they cannot track you down afterwards.
Kyriotates: They are a secret to their friends; trust nothing, not even your favourite photocopier, when they are around.
Mercurians: They know what is important to people. Persuade them to tell by some means that they do not notice.
Blandine: People reveal their secrets in dreams.
Christopher: There's nothing in the corporeal realm that gives one quite the same feeling of accomplishment as the look in the eyes of a child with something to hide. [Austin Loomis]
David: Boring [Both ways] too little subtlety to have secrets.
Dominic: A pain, but if you can find out what his minions do not want their boss to know....
Eli: There is a promotion to Duke of Mystery in it if you can find out why he is doing what he is doing.
Gabriel: The Flame has few secrets but it exposes the dark crannies we like and Gabriel really does not like betrayers.
Janus: They can get into your most secure vaults, tell if you spy on them and are to be avoided if possible. If not, lock them up very, very securely in a confinded space and watch them kill themselves.
Jean: They Know the Truth. They have lots of secrets that have practical uses. Tempest shield your home to keep their Ofanim out . . .
Jordi: Beware of squirrels and mice that act funny. They may be spying on you.
Laurence: Serious, staid, upright. The only thing to do is to find out where they do not live up to their ideals and tell their boss. Watch what happens as a practical experiment in power.
Litheroy: Rite Fodder, but they will know your power if they escape. Plus the boss has a downer on them. Kill, maim, exterminate, confuse.
Marc: Trade secrets and possibly the secret master of Heaven. And they are easy to do deals with. Enjoy.
Michael: Do they have a single secret? No, they are just pyschotic Killers whose only secrets are a few dirty fighting manuvears.
Novalis: How did she get to be a major Archangel? Plenty of food for thought. But do not talk to your pot plants. Their leaves have ears.
Yves: They know almost everything. Avoid like you have never avoided before.
Winston Churchill : We must wrap the truth around with a bodyguard of lies.
Remember: your worst enemy is the demon you work for. If you fail he'll kill you, and if you get too powerful he'll try to kill you. Be ready to do unto him first.
Your best advantage is the angels and demons can't hear you kill people like they can when they do it.
Seraphim: Know everything, can't lie. No fun.
Cherubim: Heaven's Bodyguards; take them out before attacking whatever-it-is that they are guarding.
Ofanim: Move too fast to catch, so use landmines.
Elohim: Vulcans
Malakim: Run Like Hell. These are the old testement avenging angels. Though they have given up on burning chariots in exchange for Helicopter Gunships and Motorbikes.
Kyriotates: Anyone or any animal could be one of these. I know it's superfluous but Trust No One..
Mercurians: The people Angels. Gun them down when they leave their favourite night club.
Blandine: Not our problem.
Christopher: [Austin Loomis]
David: Half the world's skinheads work for us, half for him. The dificulty is working out which. Don't trust people who don't like guns.
Dominic: Guns down angels for us. All you have to do is arrange for them to do collateral casulties.
Eli: A Drunken Sot. His angels are a pain, They allways have a trick up their sleaves. Like killing a squad of troops with a packet of playing cards. Anything is a weapon for these guys.
Gabriel: Watch out for guys with Green flaming Hands. [Use an Endothermic Fire extinguisher,not CO2, on them.]
Janus: Locksmiths, cracksmen, demo experts; the only advantage in facing angels of the Wind is they have to move on fast so if you can ride them out they will leave.
Jean: Heaven's Q branch. If you find someone asleep with their fingers in a power socket, plant exposives on a timer and sneak off..
Jordi: Ecoterrorists. Beware of squirrels and mice that act funny. They are spying on you.
Laurence: Walking talking upright prats. Dirty tricks serve realy well here.
Litheroy: They can't even hide what they are. Easy to find and not to difficult to kill.
Marc: Their best weakness is their love of money. Trash their smart cars and their bank accounts and they go into shock.
Michael: Killing Machines. They fight as dirty as we do, but they don't give up.
Novalis: Remember to burn off all the plants round any of your bases. Then her angels can't hide in the flowers.
Yves: Like Seraphs, only worse; don't go near libraries when angels of Destiny are around. They wanted Hitler to be a House Painter, not the world's greatest man.
Adam, Dahak@Compuserve.Com
"We will rule through fear, fear of the Imperial Navy and fear
of this
Battle Station" --Moff Tarkin [Soldier of Vapula]
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Elizabeth McCoy <arcangel@prismnet.com>
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